Stop thinking of your life in chapters
“The end of one chapter is just the beginning of another.”"
“It’s not the end of the book. It’s just the beginning of a new chapter.”
We tend to think of our lives in big chapters, big periods of time marked with a beginning and an end. That’s how our world is built up around us; books have chapters, TV shows have seasons, movies can be parts of a series. We view certain transitions in our academic or professional development as changing chapters, whether it’s graduating from high school or college, getting a new job, or retiring. When we move on from a particularly rough time, we like to say that that chapter in our lives has closed. It’s how we organize our lives, to make sense of the twists and turns of things that happen to us and what we do.
But thinking in chapters is not always helpful. What happens in between those chapters? Whenever we get to the end of a chapter in a book, most people try to quickly move past the empty space on the page until they reach the beginning of the next chapter. That empty space, or time, is just a transition. But a lot of us live in those transition periods, those “empty” spaces. For me, that’s taking a gap year in between undergrad and medical school. For others, it’s working in a job they don’t necessarily love so that they can get the job they really want. It’s living at home to save up money so that they can afford to move out the next year. We think that we must move from this transition period as quickly as we can to be at our “best,” our most optimal us. But the mentality that we are only living our lives to the fullest when we are in chapters, and not in transitions, leads to wavering self confidence and confusion. We project that feeling unto others when we judge those who are in a transition period and celebrate those that are in a new chapter, like applying for vs. starting new job.
It’s not that celebrating our new chapters is harmful, no. Finally retiring is exciting! Getting into grad school is a huge accomplishment! But when we place so much emphasis on chapters, we remove the importance of the day to day. When we are in a transition period, we go through each day thinking about how good it will be when we finally start a new chapter. “I’ll be so much happier when I move to a big city.” When we compare ourselves to those in a new chapter while we are in a transition period, we start to not feel good enough. “This person found their perfect significant other - they’re so in love. Am I not lovable enough?” When we are in a chapter, we typically lose our appreciation of it and anticipate for the next one. “Ugh, I’m so ready to graduate. I need to move on.” We consistently look to our next “big accomplishment” as a catalyst for us to feel content, and we judge others when they seem like they’re not moving towards their new chapter quickly enough. We lose sight in the value of just living, day by day.
I don’t love being in the medical school application process. It’s a lot of introspection, a lot of writing, a lot of self comparison. But only viewing this time as a transition period to get into medical school removes the joy of the daily experience. Yes, I spend a lot of my day writing essays. But I also get to eat different home-cooked Korean food each day. I get to listen to new podcasts. I watch new movies, I find new sights to see on my daily walk. If I constantly thought about how happy I will be when this transition period ends, I will not only imbue unnecessary discontent but also be severely disappointed if medical school does not meet my ideal expectations. What if your new job isn’t all that you imagined? What if retiring isn’t what you expected? We consistently place value in our future selves when our present is the most valuable. If we start to shift the mindset to thinking about our lives day by day rather than large chapters, we can also minimize the judgement we give to others. Overall, it brings contentment into us and everyone around us.
This doesn’t mean we can’t have long term goals. Long term goals give us direction, purpose. Becoming a doctor is a long term goal of mine. But if I viewed my life as only two chapters of not being a doctor vs. being a doctor, I lose the appreciation of my entire journey. Eating good food, spending time with friends and family, doing my hobbies is an integral part of my journey. If you think about it, we never think about spending quality time with others as a chapter, but we always label it as “the good old times” in hindsight. We have got to place more emphasis on our day to day. Long term goals can give us a target, but we must understand that it’s not a straight line to get there. It’s also not the end-all-be-all.
So if you are feeling down because you are in a transition period or you are worried about someone else in a transition period, take the time to enjoy your days for what it is: a chance to be present, to live life to its fullest in the here and now. Our lives should not be marked down because we are not succeeding to society’s definition of achievement: getting a promotion, publishing a book, reaching 1 million subscribers on YouTube. Our lives are our day to day, not our chapters, our so called “accomplishments”. You are worth more than that.
