The Glow Up After the Glow Up
I think we have all heard this story line: person who sees themselves as a loser goes through a big physical transformation, realizes that having an outward glow up still doesn’t fix any of their actual issues, and then finally resolves internal conflict. This trope has been seen in many coming of age movies, teen rom-coms, and everyday life. But the mental transformation after the initial “glow up" is never talked about as much. We idolize an outward transformation, someone becoming more along the standards of conventional beauty. That’s why we have the Princess Diaries transformation montage locked into our brains, why most movies involving self growth includes a series of scenes that implies how doing feminine make up/hair, losing weight, and wearing my scandalous clothing allows you to become worthy.
Over the pandemic, with TikTok on the rise, I spent hours and hours scrolling through social media to have my own physical glow up. It wasn’t intentional, but I consumed so much media that implied that whatever I was doing right now was not good enough. Clothing hauls, make up try ons, home decor aesthetics would plague my social media feed. I became obsessed with becoming the cool girl, the girl that knew all the trends and simultaneously hated them at the same time when they became too trendy. In a weird way, I thought that my confidence was growing. For years I had felt like the girl that always stood out, the ones that the popular guys would never go for. As an Asian woman, finding other Asian women find popularity on social media for dressing a certain way with accessible means to do so (Amazon dupes and Zara look-a-likes, that sort) became my guiding star. “This is what it means to be a successful, pretty, likable Asian woman.” That’s genuinely what would cross my mind.
I would go through my days always being conscious of how I’m being perceived by others and simultaneously attempting to establish dominance. Do the strangers in this Starbucks think I’m cool? I’m the hottest girl in this room. Do my jeans fit like how that one Pinterest girl wears the same pair? I have a better hair claw clip than her. My delusional “confidence” was an outlet for my deep insecurity. But to others, I looked like I was transformed, like I knew my place in this world now because I knew how to do my eyeliner and match my top to my shoes. This outward glow up was masking my insecurities and ultimately hindering my ability to work through them.
Don’t get me wrong, I found a love for fashion and all things beautiful throughout this process. It’s not like I have removed vanity from my life entirely, and I still take just as many selfies as I did in highschool. Girls who love being a hot girl are just as validated as any other person. And it can be very difficult to realize how dependent on external validation you are. I would know; I denied it for years, praising my so called moral standings. But I have since actually worked on my internal struggles, including feelings of existential dread, insecurities about not being a hot enough Asian, and making sure I couldn’t be caught wearing mismatched clothes. My outward and inward confidence have been balanced (or trying to maintain the balance). I find that I walk into a room and admire the vibe and art hanging on the wall rather than internally competing the person who might be more attractive than me. There is something so freeing about not depending on others for your own happiness.
Maybe you too have been distracted working on something that is an excuse for actually dealing with the root of the problem. What is your reason for ignoring it? It’s essential to ask the hard questions so you don’t keep falling into the cycle of wanting and buying to fuel your external validation. The spiritual and mental glow up after the physical glow up can be just as important for one’s well being.
What’s your glow up after the glow up look like?
